Runderella

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Pretty Good Year

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Pretty Good Year.

Not only are those three little words the title of a fabulous Tori Amos song, but words which describe 2018 for me.

It was a year filled with challenges as well as triumphs. Last summer, I hit the lowest point in my life; a depression unlike any other, and I lost my will to live. An epiphany during a solo vacation last August gave me that back. I’m happy and incredibly thankful to be here.

It’s a new year and everyone is making their resolutions, myself included. My goals for this new year is self-care and loving myself more. Stop spending so much time living in the past, thinking of the things I could have done differently. I’m not that 20-year-old naive girl anymore. Honestly, looking back, I don’t even recognize her.

Goals for 2019:

For starters, as I mentioned above, self-care is at the top of my list. Running, sleeping in late, read more books, travel, spend time with friends and family, not cancel plans (typical INFP here) are little things that make me happy. Doesn’t take much 🙂

Running has helped tremendously with my depression, and goals include continuing to work with my fabulous coach, Kristy. Currently, I’m running 2x/week and strength training/rehabbing the other 5 days. I have a few races coming up with the first race in May, which is plenty of time to get my game back. I’d like to run another full marathon, and realistically I know this probably isn’t possible until 2020. I’m okay with that.

Anyway, it’s been a while and I miss this place. Have you any goals for 2019?

Cycling Audition

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Some of you may know how much I love indoor cycling. I’ve been cycling for years, but it wasn’t until 2015 that I actually fell in LOVE with it.

I was watching “Work Out New York” on Bravo and was inspired by one of the trainers, Holly Rilinger, master instructor at Flywheel. I quickly signed up for a class, dragged a few of my nurse friends and went to a FLY 45 class (now called Method 45). I had such a rush of endorphins and immediately knew this was something I needed to do. I saw myself sitting where the magic happens – on that stage.

I started to go to Flywheel on a consistent basis, going back and forth between two locations, getting to know the riders, the format, the instructors. It didn’t matter the closest Flywheel was at least 45 minutes away, I was going. I released stress, anger, and mentally detoxified during each class.

My schedule with full-time work, school, and a per-diem job got hectic, and I made the decision to buy a Peloton bike. Riding at home was convenient since and ride at home since I could simply ride whenever my schedule allowed. Still, I longed for the feeling of riding in the studio every now and then.

Someone whom I work with, said to me, “I could always picture you teaching at SoulCycle.” She wasn’t the first person to say to me that they could picture me teaching cycling, but I always doubted myself and didn’t pursue it.

Once this nurse said she could see me teaching SoulCycle, I decided to audition. Here I was doubting myself, and on the other side, there’s someone who barely knows me telling me this?

Just putting it out there, I didn’t try out for SoulCycle or Flywheel, but for a smaller chain cycling studio, although my dream is to teach at Flywheel. Anyway, their requirements were to be engaging, fun, and ride to the rhythm. I thought, hey, that I could do! Wrong.

Manager at smaller chain cycling was super nice and my friends had taken her rides before. She said my choice of songs were perfect; my form was great, and she began to videotape me. I started to cycle and she stops the music and says I’m riding slower than 85 rpm. Once I looked down, I was riding at 73 so I was way off! She also didn’t care about torque/cadence/power, which is huge in my books as far as fitness goes. She stopped the audition, gave me constructive criticism and encouraged me to try again, saying that I had rhythm but needed more practice, especially when it came to my form.

I firmly believe every happens for a reason. It isn’t that it’s not meant to be, but perhaps the timing isn’t right. I need to work on my form, work on my confidence, get in better shape (it’s hard as hell to ride, speak and breathe at the same time!) These are things I need to master.

For me, going out and audition is HUGE. I’m not shy by any means (I used to sing in front of an audience) but I’m guilty of feeling self-conscious. Once I’m on that stage, whether is cycling, or singing, all the fear and nervousness dissipates, and the stage is mine.

I’m not sad about it, at least I can say I tried.

Life Lessons, Letting Go, and Shifting Gears

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This week, I’d like to talk about life lessons, letting go, and shifting gears. I had this eye-opening moment last week when I found myself in the Emergency Department on a busy Friday evening to rule out a stroke. When the stroke was ruled out, the attending physician suspected a subarachnoid hemorrhage, secondary to a ruptured aneurysm. After much poking for IV’s, labs, meds, CT Scan, and finally an offer to do a lumbar puncture (which I declined), I was sent home with the worst headache of my life and shoulders that felt like concrete. This is when I realized that all my emotions have manifested in my body as pain and I need to start letting go of things: past, present, and future.

I realized that I haven’t done a lot of the things I once loved: read a book, knit, draw, sing, photography, run. I work two jobs and I’m in school to further my nursing education. I’m putting in my resignation at my per diem job this weekend when I’m there. I don’t need the per diem for the money, a year ago it was just something to do/see what else is out there/keep a door open elsewhere. I’m exhausted, unhappy and clearly in physical pain. It ends right here, today. Actually, it ended on my ride home from the hospital Saturday morning.

I learned that I need to put myself first in everything in life. I need to be well in order to care for my family when they need me, and for my little ones in the NICU.

I’m a worrier by nature, and as hard as this may be, I am letting go of what no longer serves me. Letting go of past decisions that leave me, could have/would have/should have done this or that. No longer will I be worrying about the future, instead focus being in the present. Life has a way of sorting itself out.

This brings me to shifting gears. I was once cleared to run and I’m not cleared, again! I fell in love with running because it made me feel free. It was MY time to clear my head, to let things go, and when those things couldn’t be done, the weight built up, in my shoulders, in my life. This lovely little blog will be back and while it won’t solely focus on running (for obvious reasons), I’ll be sharing the things that bring me joy in my life. It’s about living simple and regaining focus, and hopefully, inspire someone in the process.

Take care,

 

Adios, 2016

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It’s been a crazy year folks; I am glad it’s about to end.

This year brought a lot of ups and downs – from that left hip injury that caused me to stop running, to the car accident which left my mother injured badly, to attaining self-realization and embarking on new and exciting journeys.

Although I didn’t get to run the races I wanted to this year, I made an effort to stay fit by cycling at Flywheel, run/walking in Disney and starting Core de Force, a new MMA-style workout by Beachbody. I do miss running terribly though. All the tests on my left hip have come back normal, so I don’t know what else to do. Some days I wake up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain, other times, I’m fine and able to run 2-3 miles painlessly.

After my parents accident, I took 3 weeks from work to care for them. It was then that I realized the value of friendship. Most the people whom I considered my “friends” didn’t even ask if we were okay or needed anything, and it was challenging for me to care for everyone.

I stumbled upon a quote that read, “The problem with being the strong one is that nobody asks if you’re okay.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. It made me realize that this happened because I can handle it, and when I broke down with overwhelmingness, I talked about it, and I faced my fears head on. I let go of those individuals who were of no value in my life, and let go of those toxic friendships that brought me anger and grief. Forgiving and letting go is paramount to happiness, and it feels great. 🙂

While I don’t have any goals or resolutions for the upcoming new year, if I learned something from this year, and I know it sounds cliche, but it’s not to sweat the small stuff, treasure moments spent with those you love and doing things that make me happy.

Do you have any goals or resolutions for the new year?

Wishing everyone happiness and good health in the new year!

 

Feeling Meh + Cooking = Recipe Fail!

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I’ve been trying to enjoy this 10-day vacation and of course I’m sick. Woke up yesterday with this awful sore throat and today slept until 9. I never sleep that late!

I postponed yesterday’s run and attempted to make these gorgeous Garlic Potato & Kale Cakes from the Nom Yourself vegan cookbook. They didn’t turn out as gorgeous but they were tasty! I realized I took my immersion blender for soap-making and didn’t replace it for cooking, so I attempted to use the blender for the mixture and well, it didn’t turn out quite right, so no pictures were taken, haha!

This is what they’re supposed to look like: (From the Nom Yourself website)

Nom Yourself - Garlic Kale Potato Cakes

Aren’t they pretty? Top with some vegan sour cream and they’re even more delish! I truly enjoy her cookbook. Follow Nom Yourself on Instagram for the best vegan food you’ll ever see. That’s what made me purchase the cookbook 🙂

Anyway, tonight I have dinner with an old friend of mine at The Cheesecake Factory and I’ve already picked out the vegan options, like Evelyn’s favorite pasta, yum! Transitioning to vegan, I have to plan ahead, not doing that was what made me fail countless times. I’d get frustrated not finding vegan food options and immediately revert back to vegetarianism. Because it was easier. Now I have the Happy Cow app on my iPhone, the internet and support from friends who have been vegan for years, who never get tired of me texting them for advice 🙂

Back to resting up. Glad to be home not feeling well, than at work, that’s for sure.

Lindy x

Marathon Training Update

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I have not gone out for a run since 8/3. Shame on me!

I was doing really well on my training program, fitting in runs during long work days or making them up on my rest days and I fell off the bandwagon. Last week work left me emotionally heavy, which led me to feeling unwell physically and had an overall lack of motivation. Yesterday, we had a debriefing at work in regards to the events that occurred last week and it felt so good to sit with my peers and just talk about it. We grieve because we care and form bonds with the patients and their families and when we lose someone it leaves you with such a heavy heart.

I may have sat on the couch all week and watched every episode of Orange Is The New Black, and if you haven’t watched it, go!! It’s streaming on Netflix and it’s beyond amazing, seriously!

Anyway, my last run on 8/3 was a 10-miler. Last week I missed a 3m, 5m, 3m and a 7-mile run. Yesterday, I was supposed to run 3 miles but we had a monsoon here in Pennsylvania, so it’s 6 miles today and the weather is just perfect! 75 degrees with 40 percent humidity 🙂

Just two more weeks until the Disneyland Half Marathon, so I need to get it together.

Have a great day!

Lindy xo