This week, I’d like to talk about life lessons, letting go, and shifting gears. I had this eye-opening moment last week when I found myself in the Emergency Department on a busy Friday evening to rule out a stroke. When the stroke was ruled out, the attending physician suspected a subarachnoid hemorrhage, secondary to a ruptured aneurysm. After much poking for IV’s, labs, meds, CT Scan, and finally an offer to do a lumbar puncture (which I declined), I was sent home with the worst headache of my life and shoulders that felt like concrete. This is when I realized that all my emotions have manifested in my body as pain and I need to start letting go of things: past, present, and future.
I realized that I haven’t done a lot of the things I once loved: read a book, knit, draw, sing, photography, run. I work two jobs and I’m in school to further my nursing education. I’m putting in my resignation at my per diem job this weekend when I’m there. I don’t need the per diem for the money, a year ago it was just something to do/see what else is out there/keep a door open elsewhere. I’m exhausted, unhappy and clearly in physical pain. It ends right here, today. Actually, it ended on my ride home from the hospital Saturday morning.
I learned that I need to put myself first in everything in life. I need to be well in order to care for my family when they need me, and for my little ones in the NICU.
I’m a worrier by nature, and as hard as this may be, I am letting go of what no longer serves me. Letting go of past decisions that leave me, could have/would have/should have done this or that. No longer will I be worrying about the future, instead focus being in the present. Life has a way of sorting itself out.
This brings me to shifting gears. I was once cleared to run and I’m not cleared, again! I fell in love with running because it made me feel free. It was MY time to clear my head, to let things go, and when those things couldn’t be done, the weight built up, in my shoulders, in my life. This lovely little blog will be back and while it won’t solely focus on running (for obvious reasons), I’ll be sharing the things that bring me joy in my life. It’s about living simple and regaining focus, and hopefully, inspire someone in the process.